Oooooooh, Christmas tree…


Everyone knows that Christmas trees are supposed to be tacky, gaudy, and weighed down with all sorts of glittery, shiny crap. That’s what Christmas is all about, right?! Apart from the baby Jebus, of course – but all babies like shiny things, so it’s cool.

Just when you thought that nothing could compete with the €2 shop down the road for tasteless, tacky, amazingly brilliant decorations, along come Pornaments! These tree decorations take the last vestige of classiness out of Christmas, and does unspeakably bad things to it involving a candy cane. (For serious. One of the ornaments has Santa being sodomised with a candy cane.)

But so as not to scar you for life, here are some of the funner ones… NSFW, or people who wanted to maintain the childlike innocence of Christmas magic.


Festive Sperm! Tiny Santa hats – in your gonads! What could be more Christmassy than that, eh?

Stocking fetish Santa! Suddenly the phrase “Santa comes to fill your stocking” is a hell of a lot more disturbing.

Gingerbread men, DOIN IT! Awww yeah.


And my personal favourite – naked man in your chimney! Not entirely sure what this has to do with Christmas, but I’m officially adding one of these to my wish list. A man in my chimney that is, not the decoration.


Head over to LoveHoney to get your hands on some of these, er, delightful decorations, or view the whole range at – where you can see such further classic as ‘Woman riding a giant penis (wearing a Santa hat)’, ‘Penis dressed up as a cowboy’, and ‘Reindeers doin it doggy style’. Or do they do it like that anyway?

One Response to “Oooooooh, Christmas tree…”

  1. all i can say is “wow”…


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