A very special Sunday

13Mar10

As you all undoubtedly know, this Sunday is a very special day.

Those oft-forgotten stars in our lives, who bring so much joy, happiness and comfort – this Sunday is the day when we pay them back for all the nice things they’ve done for us. The memories, the laughs, the ups and downs (especially the ups and downs), the hard times and the really good times.

Don’t forget your favourite penis this Steak & Blowjob Day.

***

Yes, it’s a real thing. Yes, it’s also falling on Mother’s Day. Although I somewhat reject the premise of S&BJ Day (every day is BJ day at my house), it’s such a fun way to do something special for the lovely boy in your life.

It comes exactly one month after Valentine’s, so it’s the perfect excuse to make a fuss of your fella and send him to bed with a massive grin and a full belly. And all you need is a frying pan and an early night.

If you’re new to the church of S&BJ Day, you might be feeling a little apprehensive. Will I be good enough at it to make it really special? Will he really like it? How do I go about making it memorable and enjoyable? Well fret not, my friends. I’ve found the perfect article to allay your fears and ensure his complete satisfaction.

You’re welcome.

For those of you who thought that would be a link to an article on blow job tips – what kind of a girl do you think I am?! I can write my own, thanks very much. Anything else I found online made performing this (really very simple) act sound like conquering Everest wearing only a bikini, so I hope I can do better without writing a thesis. In five simple steps:

  1. It is more afraid of you than you are of it. Don’t be shy.
  2. Do it with a filthy smile and wicked eyes or don’t bother. This is the dirty equivalent of when your Mum told you “if you’ve nothing nice to say, say nothing”.
  3. The wetter the better. Think one of those big slobbery dogs and you’re halfway there.
  4. Hands, yes please; teeth, no thank you.
  5. You’re not going for a Guinness World Record for fastest ejaculation ever… unless you are. (If so, good luck! I’m rooting for you.) But assuming this is just a regular blow job, remember – it’s not a race. Take your time.

It’s really not rocket surgery. Lastly and most importantly… don’t, for the love of god, try anything — anything — that you’ve read in the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine. Unless you want to get dumped.

Oh, and with the day that’s in it – be sure and don’t kiss your mother with that mouth.

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One Response to “A very special Sunday”

  1. Firstly, you linked to the Pioneer Woman. That’s awesome. And you are awesome.

    Secondly, your blowjob tips beat anything in Cosmo evar!

    Thirdly, talking of blowjobs, have you seen this from Back to the Future 3? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zq5-6PkVGCg&feature=player_embedded
    Crazy crotch pointing from a child! Won’t somebody please think of the children?!


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