Fuck you, sexpert.


Did you know that talking dirty and S&M are classified as bad sex now? I sure as fuck didn’t. I guess I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time. Damn.

I have long since ceased reading glossy mags because I inevitably find something in there that offends me to my very core – it angers and depresses me that the women of the world are perpetrating negative stereotypes about body image and sex to this day; and that we in turn eat it up as if it’s gospel.

But this month’s Glamour caught my eye because I wanted to see how anyone could manage to squeeze an article out of the premise “How to turn bad sex into good sex”. That’s not even mentioning “The sex slaves living in your street”, one of which I think I actually am.

Anyway. Turning bad sex into good sex – it’s either not possible at all, or you’re simply doing it wrong. Either you have a partner who is selfish and uninterested in your pleasure, or you’re just not talking about your issues with your partner. That should be the article – “open your mouth and talk to your partner about your needs.” But it is not, oh no.

The feature goes on to describe bad hygiene, premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, sex noises, penis size, dirty talking and S&M as examples of “bad sex”. All backed up by a sexpert of course. To which I say, fuck you sexpert. Especially for this bit, about S&M…

“Some women have sex to gain emotional closeness to your partner,” says Dr Spurr. “If that’s the case, power play won’t give you the fix you’re after.”

*blind rage*

I defy anyone to have the requisite levels of communication, trust and bonding to indulge in S&M with their partner and not be emotionally close to them. It’s not for everyone, sure. I respect anyone’s right to, y’know, not want to be spanked or tied up.

But if “emotional closeness” can only be achieved by rose petals and candlelight and the gentle touch of a deferent lover… well, fuck that. I’ll stick to being an emotionally void deviant thanks.

2 Responses to “Fuck you, sexpert.”

  1. 1 squirl

    I would have thought the fact that this sexpert doesn’t approve would make it a little more fun.
    Besides, do you *really* want the approval of Dr Spurr? 😛

  2. 2 demurelemur

    That sexpert needs a good spanking.

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