Dress to impress

14Apr10

“But you always look nice… you don’t even need to try”, says himself on the gchat machine last night.

He was responding to me saying I was planning to dress up a bit today; to cheer myself up and to look nice for him because he’s coming to see me. I awwwed of course… and then called him a liar.

Why is it so hard to accept that my boyfriend genuinely finds me attractive? That he’s with me (in part) because of how I look and not despite it? I’m sure I’m not the only woman who feels this way – in fact I think it’s fairly common. As women, we’re all laboured with this hyper-awareness of our faults; things that when said out loud sound patently ridiculous to partners, friends, and anyone that’s not us.

For me, my pet peeve is my chubby knees. They go out when they should just go straight up and down. I’m fairly proud that this is the only body hangup that truly bothers me – being plus-size, I’m expected to hate myself, so my overall body confidence is something that was hard-won.

So when I told the boy that I liked to dress up for him, to give him that ‘wow’ factor when he sees me, to know that I look good and that he thinks I look good, I was both shocked and pleased when he said he does that anyway. And it’s not that he doesn’t tell me when I look nice, he does. But the tendency is to simply write that off as banter, or a joke… which, when you think about it, is really sad.

So from here on out, I must make an effort to believe him when he tells me such things; and have confidence in the fact that he fancies the pants off me. Of course, I’m not going to stop dressing up for him, because I think that’s important – though I find it hard to explain why. I guess I want him to know that I value him enough to make the effort.

And when he says such sweet things to me, how could I not?

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