People keep telling me they admire my writing because of its honesty. Specifically, my blogging, I guess. I never know what to say to that, except ‘thank you’, of course… because I feel like I’m always holding back slightly.

I am open and honest about my sexuality, but only to an extent that wouldn’t – well, squick people out. The majority of my friends are (to my knowledge, anyhow) vanilla, and I sometimes get reminders of that when they say the blog freaks them out a little or they got a shock.

I don’t know, though, what would be best. To disassociate the blog from my real life altogether – of course, letting anyone in my life who’d found it so far remain and read on if they wish – would give me a lot more freedom in my writing; I would feel less conflicted when I apply for jobs or get a new Twitter follower. I wouldn’t have to worry that although so far, my friends have been supportive, the rest of the world may be a little harsher in judging me.

But what’s the alternative? Hiding away? That goes against the whole ethos of the blog. I wanted to make sex a talking point, bring it to the fore, make it something to be proud of, not ashamed of. And if I’m writing under a pseudonym – am I protecting myself, or am I hiding?

There’s a third road, and that’s write whatever I want and let the world be damned. Might need to find a bit more bravery to go with my honesty.

4 Responses to “Honesty”

  1. 1 Bridget

    Be proud. As one of the friends who teases you more than most, I can say that I think it’s incredibly gutsy of you to put yourself out like this. I really admire you. We all have our kinks, but you’re the only one brave enough to talk about them.

    Keep writing!

  2. 3 demurelemur

    I think it’s wonderful that you are a proud sex blogger. I’ve also thought long and hard about the anonymity thing.

    I write under a pseudonym for a number of reasons. The first is that I have students, and having them know all about my sex life would create an unwanted dynamic in class. The second is that I want to protect the anonymity of my lover and all the former lovers that I write about. And finally, writing anonymously gives me more freedom. When I kept a livejournal I often found myself censoring my musings so as not to hurt people’s feelings or shock anyone. I didn’t want to have to do that this time.

    At the same time, most of my close friends know about my sex blog. Some love it. Others are shocked and disapproving. But it’s not like I’m forcing anyone to read it.

    There are lots of good reasons to write anonymously, but I really like your point that the aim of your blog is to create more dialogue and openness around sex. I’m not quite brave enough to sign my name beneath my smut, but you are, and that’s quite something.

    • I totally respect that, and kind of envy you the freedom it affords. I’m too scared to put any proper smut up here, for fear of the awkwardness you mention.

      I feel it limits me, but it’s really me that’s setting my own limits.

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