This is why I don’t read tabloids


This article in the Sun was brought to my attention today on Twitter – a UK study which lists the traits of the “ideal woman”. Unsurprisingly, the traits combine to make a woman who does not exist in this reality.

THE perfect girlfriend has a high sex drive, loves eating and can get ready in under ten minutes, a survey revealed today.

The study showed that most men are looking for a sporty woman who takes care of her body and has little “perky breasts” and a “pert bottom”.

Three quarters of men say their ideal woman would keep on top of her weight — but want them to tuck into a big meal without worrying.

(via @rickoshea)

Good going, men of England. If my eyes rolled back in my head any farther they’d fall out.

Here’s the problem with articles like this – they are based entirely on the premise that all men and all women are exactly alike. That we want the same things from eachother, and in a partner. I have no doubt that the imaginary woman above – the pert heavy eater who loves to watch sports, do exercise, have sex, stay thin, cook dinner, get a degree and have long lie-ins, all while having time to spend with a boyfriend – is someone’s idea of the ideal partner. Someone delusional, but someone nonetheless.

The very same bloke would be the one to be jealous of the fit guys down the gym she attends religiously to keep that pert bottom “trim”. The one who’d moan about dinner taking two hours while simultaneously not wanting a takeaway. The one who’d feel emasculated because she actually does want sex around the clock, more than he actually wants it, and what’s wrong with her anyway, is she some sort of slut?

Where men get these ideas, I honestly do not know. But I also know that aside from the ones who’ve contributed to this “survey”, there are the good ones. The realistic ones. The ones who’d rather fuck a park bench than a skinny girl with “pert” anything. (Here’s looking at you, baby). The ones who prefer gaming to football, and like to do so with their girlfriend snuggled up to them in bed. The ones who realise that women are also people, and not a product subject to a checklist of requirements to be filled before purchase.

Of course, women are just as bad. We want someone with a good sense of humour, no fear of commitment, someone who’s kind and generous, but respects our independence, one who is giving in bed but not too demanding, likes kids, cats and/or dogs, walks in the country, pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, yadda yadda.

How’s about we stop looking for the Ideal Partner and just assess each person we find as they come into our lives? They’re either right or they’re not. The dating pool is not a supermarket, you cannot inspect the label of a person and deem them to be right or wrong for you based on their ingredients. It’s more like a clothes shop — you gotta try them on and see if they fit.

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