return to decadence

19Aug11

Six months on anti-depressants will really fuck over your sex life.

Not only did my libido disappear, but the boy was taking care of me a lot. Lots of minding and gentleness and patience. You can imagine that didn’t leave much room for hot and dirty D/s sexytimes.

Since I came off the meds, I’ve slowly been climbing back into my submissiveness. I don’t think it ever left me. It was always there, even at my lowest, but it felt like it was a far away. Unreachable. I wanted to go there and wrap myself up in my submission to help me through the shit, but I wasn’t able to.

Now I’m back and I’m wearing my sexuality again. It feels amazing. But I found that it wasn’t just me who’d become a bit lost along the way. Our interactions — in the bedroom and outside of it — had become insipid and fluffy. Loving, absolutely; but lacking the fire that fuels us.

We needed to reconnect. But being the silly sub I am, I got it into my head that the lack of D/s meant that he’d just been doing it for me all along, that he was glad that dynamic was fading away. I got upset. I withdrew. I cried.

But as he always does, he coaxed my fears out and eased them. We talked about our wants, told our secrets, and thought about ways to strengthen our dynamic.

And then he fucked me. Hard and raw with a fist in my hair and horrible pinchy things in sensitive places. It did more to repair us than all the talk in the world. He’s my Sir again… and I’m myself again.

Filed under: musings, sexy   |  17 Comments